As part of my always ongoing efforts at self-improvement, I decided to quit my whining and write a post on things I actually like about Oklahoma City. Sadly, when I began making a simple list of said things on which to build said blog post, I found I was unable to populate it. After I wrote down

1) The people are friendly.

I was at a complete loss for a number 2. After a couple of weeks lying on the gold chrome and wood-grain formica table here in my place of exile apartment, the list was still pretty much just a note, a reminder of an unfinished chore. So I decided to expand my area of reconnaissance to include the entire state; Saturday I hopped on the scoot and went in search of a better Oklahoma.

I found it in Tulsa at the Philbrook Museum of Art. I went there to see the outstanding collection of Native American art I read about in the book Visions and Voices, but I also checked out everything else they had; French, English, Italian, American, African and Asian. Some really good stuff. I particularly liked this French painting, even bought a saddlebag-size print of it. The original is large and strikingly life-like, the girl's face immediately brought to mind my oldest daughter about to say something smart-alecky.

I actually wound up spending a good deal of time admiring the museum's building and grounds. The museum itself was the mansion of oilman Waite Phillips, built in 1927, some 72 rooms, many of them huge, with arched or coffered ceilings 16 feet or more in height. I didn't actually tour the 23 acres of gardens, I'm saving that for some time when I can come back and bring the missus, but I saw enough from the mansion's massive windows to know it's absolutely beautiful. It is an awe-striking place, even now. It's hard to imagine what an incredible display of wealth it must have been 80 years ago not only to build it, but to give it away 11 years later.

I don't know why I continue wading around in the muck, battering away at the closed minds of my classmates. So far it appears the only headway I've achieved is convincing them I'm just as hard-headed as they are. Our conversations have been spirited to say the least, but blown all over the political landscape, buffeted by great gusts of bullshit, often from 2 or 3 directions at once. I've learned so much from these great minds that I feel compelled to jot down some of their brilliance for posterity. From the last week or so:

Invading Iraq was a good idea then and I think it's still a good idea today. I don't have 20/20 hindsight like you liberals do.

Translation: How many times I gotta tell ya, hindsight is for pussies. We're Amurkins. We ain't interested in learning from our mistakes.

Reagan was the best president we've ever had.

Yeah, I thought this one was old and tired too, until I heard it uttered so reverently by one of the true believers that it made me nauseous. And sad. And maybe a little scared.

The only reason Obama is doing so well is liberal America wants to assuage their liberal guilt by voting for a black man. Come November, when he doesn't get elected president, though, there'll be riots. Like Rodney King all over again.

This one's always accompanied by the latest Obama-in-a-turban photos and Obama's-preacher-is-a-crazy-nigger chain e-mails. (hee-hee, cheney mails...) It's become so tedious that I've taken to just calling them cowards, afraid of the big, scary Negrobama and what he'll do to their white women.

OIl company profit margins are only 4 percent, you can look that up.

Okay asshole, I will. Click, click, click, 9.8 percent. Thanks for playing, though. And don't worry, I'm sure those profits are quite small when seen from space. The oil industry is putting up record profits, making more money than any industry in history. More importantly, they are relying directly on the US military to secure and maintain those profits. I have a problem with that. Humph. (Interestingly, while a-googling to put the letter to this lie I found that the most consistently profitable industry over the last several years has been the currently in deep doo-doo banking industry. This reminder of just how illusory the whole concept of "market" actually is made me feel a little hamsterwheelish.)

The best thing that ever happened to this country was these corporations shipping all the manufacturing jobs overseas. Amurkins are smarter than everybody else. Let them screw in the screws and put stuff together. We can concentrate on the service industry. That's where all the money is anyway.

This one left me gawping like a fish on the dock. I still haven't quite got my mind wrapped around this little conservaturd. Rising unemployment and declining wages are good for Amurka!?! Yep. Also, down will henceforth be referred to as up.